The Importance of Active Listening
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Do
you find yourself misunderstanding what your spouse or work colleague say to
you? Do you find yourself questioning your responses to them? Most people hear
others speaking to them, but most of the time our interactions are not focused
and we may listen to people speak, without truly hearing what they want to say
to us. Learning how to listen is a skill that helps us to clear our mind of
thoughts and behaviors that may interrupt our ability to hear what the other
person is trying to say, rather than what we think they are saying.
Learning
how to listen to people around us is also a journey of self-discovery. Instead
of responding to people’s comments and thoughts as a reaction, we take the time
to understand what they are saying and in thinking about how their words are
impacting us, we are identifying the
natural way react to people’s words and
think about how we would prefer to react to them.
We
can then develop and practice self-control techniques, to assist us to respond
more appropriately to anything people may say to us.
You
may have heard active listening referred to as reflective listening. It
involves listening to others around us talk to us and taking time out to ensure
we understand their words and the meanings behind those words. We ask questions
like “so you mean this.” to reflect back to the person what we think they said.
We use words like “I feel angry when you say that” rather than lashing out in
anger and using a “you” phrase like “you always do this.”
Our
focus is not on the words spoken but on the person speaking and what they meant
by their words. This way of listening can take some getting used to, but once
we learn this skill will change the way we relate to people and interact with
them, and learn about ourselves in the process.
If
you sometimes feel misunderstood when you are talking to people, you probably
have an understanding of the importance of really being heard and not just
listened to. As we begin to practice active listening, you will soon learn the
phrases and body languages that you personally find difficult to deal with. You
will develop important techniques and qualities that enable you to remain in
control of your thoughts and emotions when having discussions with others.
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