Dealing with Criticism
“If you
keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you” is a
line from Rudyard Kipling’s famous poem “If.” There are probably many of us who
can identify with the words and understand the frustration of being
misunderstood or unfairly judged.
Almost
every day either we or someone we love experience this frustration. Faced with
being misunderstood we respond. How we respond is according to the poem, the
measure of our manhood (equally woman hood). Learning how to respond to
criticism and to deal with the negative things people say to us is a step of
maturity and personal development.
Criticism
is an attack on our self esteem and our defensive attitude is the way we try to
protect our self from a painful experience. Just as we put up our hands to
prevent ourselves being physically hurt, we put up our defensive attitude to
prevent emotional or mental health.
This
defensive attitude may either take on an apologetic attitude. We make apologies
for our behavior or those of others, or it may take on an attacking attitude,
where we tend to look for ways of blaming others for the situation so we can
share the blame and perhaps take some of the heat off our role in the
situation.
What
are some positive ways we can respond to criticism so that the negative
reaction we instinctively feel can become something positive in our life and a
tool for self development and personal maturity?
- Look on any incident of criticism. As an opportunity for learning and self growth not as an attack on your self-esteem.
- Much
of the anger that eventuates from criticism has the risk of becoming a grudge
against the person delivering the criticism that creates its own set of
problems. Make a determined effort to forgive the person who has given the
criticism and actively seek to work with them to negotiate a solution you are
both satisfied with.
- When
you are receive criticism try to take a step back before you respond. Thank
them for their words and tell them you will consider what they have said to you
and discuss it with them on another occasion. This approach enables both of you
to calm your emotions and to discuss the situation later when you both have had
chance to think about it.
- Think
about the criticism; ask yourself if it is justified. If it is, then seek ways
to prevent the situation recurring and, if it is not, take steps to refute it
calmly and preferably with evidence.
- Don’t
dwell on the criticism but move on. Your value is not determined by one piece
of criticism.
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